Cannot believe we only have a week until school starts back! Well, for Jake anyway. Allie moves into her dorm August 18th. I am anxious about the upcoming year.
Jake will be fine but I am always anxious, worried…you know the butterflies in your stomach. Hoping and praying hard that 2nd grade will be a great year! One thing I am not thrilled about is our beloved aide (MK) will be going to a local middle school and won’t be with Jake. She has been Jake’s primary aide for 2 years. She knows Jake and even when she wasn’t with him during the day she was available to help whomever was with him. She knows his quirks, she can see when he is getting upset or about to meltdown and intercedes. I am happy for MK but selfishly I am really bummed. All summer I was sort of patting myself on the back because I wasn’t nervous or worrying over the next school year. Here I am a week out and my stomach is in knots!! Don’t get me wrong, I trust Jake’s school and the administration as well as the other aides I know. And one thing that gives me great peace, once I put my anxious thoughts aside, is they truly do have Jake’s best interest at heart. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if there is any kind of issues they will work with me to iron them out. But I worry.
John and I were talking about all of this and he said the same thing my best friend said; “it will work out. It always has worked out for Jake and this time will be no different.” Looking back at the past 5 plus years we’ve been on this journey, things have always worked out for the best. I have been fortunate to have had the best therapist’s, teacher’s and aides along the way. Each one of these wonderful women brought their gifts to help Jake and shared their knowledge with me which in turned helps Jake every day. The word blessed is overdone, in my opinion, but sometimes it is the best word there is and I do feel so very blessed.
God has always watched out for me and no matter what I do He always intercedes and takes my doubt and turns it into thankfulness. I feel certain this year will be no different. Jake does need to become more independent at school and maybe having different aides working with him will encourage him to do more on his own. If I have learned anything over the past years is to trust, hope and have faith that God has my boy and will do amazing things, like He always does, not only in Jake’s life but my (our) own.
Okay…then there is Allie. She will be moving into the dorm later in the month…sigh. I have so many mixed emotions about this and feel like I am on yet another roller coaster but this one is going much faster. Hard to believe my little curly-headed girl is going to be a freshman in college and living on her own. Fortunately, she is only about 40 minutes away but still…again the nervousness, butterflies and what not. God has a way of preparing us as parents for our kids to leave home. He makes it a little easier to say goodbye. There is a push and pull between us that I can’t really describe. She wants to go and many days I am ready for her to go!! She is loud, silly and drives me crazy which are things I hate but love. I wonder how quiet our house will be when she is at school and part of my heart hurts a little just thinking about it. The other part is excited that we might possibly have a little quiet. Jake is loud on his own but by quiet I mean she won’t be coming and going all of the time, no dirty towels on the floor of the bathroom, dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty and awaiting the used dishes…the list goes on. But she is ready. I am ready. She needs to go and experience college the way she wants too. She needs this time to mature, make mistakes (hopefully without harm) and learn to be more independent. I’m excited for her and am looking forward to seeing how her life unfolds. But the mom in me wants things to stay the same, part of me wants the noise and the loudness and even the annoying habits but honestly a bigger part of me is ready.
With all the changes going on around here I know God has this and I know He has great plans for both Allie and Jake. Being a mom isn’t easy by a long shot. Being a mom to a child with special needs has shown me how strong I really can be and in turn has made me a better mother; at least I think it has.
So one more week for Jake and 3 for Al. We’ll make the most of it and hopefully won’t go to crazy getting to those first few days 🙂
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10